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WINNIPEG, MB — After an encounter with a used urn for sale at Value Village, local woman Trisha McKay has successfully avoided thinking too deeply about it. “I didn’t spare it a second thought,” McKay says, fixing a thousand-yard stare at a shelf of pre-loved encyclopedias. “Even lying awake in bed last night, I had […]

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OTTAWA – NDP leader Jagmeet Singh used Question Period to request that the Liberals no longer refer to the NDP as “Lil’ Buddies” in government communiques. For the past few months, Trudeau’s Liberals have been passing legislation with support from the NDP but announcing the Acts as having come from the “Liberals and their Lil’ […]

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VANCOUVER — The look on the face of Tony, a young bulldog tied to a parking meter outside Denman Liquor, has set the Guinness World Record for sheer, profound, heart-wrenching sadness. “I don’t understand it,” said passerby Susan Armstrong, struggling to maintain her composure. “He wasn’t howling. He wasn’t even barking. He just had that […]

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OTTAWA – After months of delays and work pileups, the Canadian government has announced a new strategy to reduce the wait time for the millions attempting to move to Canada; slowly reduce the quality of life in the nation until would-be newcomers change their mind. “We can’t stand to see people watch as their dreams […]

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WHITBY, ON – Local office worker Lindy Jensen has reportedly started every morning at her job by telling co-workers not to talk to her until she’s had her coffee, despite the caffeine doing nothing to make her any more pleasant to be around. “She said that coffee line on her first day of working here […]

The post “Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee!” says co-worker who is still terrible after they’ve had their coffee appeared first on The Beaverton.