BRAMPTON, ON – Observers at a local Shoppers Drug Mart have reported that a customer has entered the third day of navigating the self-checkout kiosk, tapping through a seemingly endless succession of increasingly less relevant prompts. “I thought I’d just pop in to quickly grab some toilet paper,” says accounts clerk Daniel Chang. “The checkout […]

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OTTAWA – Zellers has announced that this year they will open 25 retail pop-up stores across Canada, now that consumers have “finally gotten tired of online shopping”. “We here at Zellers know one thing – online shopping is yesterday’s news,” exclaimed Zellers CEO Clem Ferkis. “Sure, our nationwide chain of stores largely disappeared from the […]

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TORONTO – A new study has revealed that the best way to get rid of an unwanted cadaver is to carefully pack it into a suitcase and check it as luggage with Air Canada at a local airport. “Checking in bodies with Canada’s largest air carrier is the most convenient way to get rid of […]

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MONTREAL –  A local Dollarama defied every expectation and opened a second cash register at the St. Laurent location in the plateau at approximately 3:44 PM on Friday. The register was opened to better accommodate the line of more than twenty people that had formed at the front of the store.  The move came as […]

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OTTAWA – With Canada’s ban on single-use plastics beginning to come into effect shoppers will soon be unable to buy single-use plastic bags, which will be replaced by reusable bags they will use a single time, hang on the back knob of the closet by the front door, and completely forget about. “Canadian retailers are […]

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